Masculine protecting feminine - Day 16 of 30 day writing challenge

Image © simeon schatz

30-Day writing challenge through Kale & Cigarettes (500 words)

It's a theme rising with others in this group too, namely me: feminine and masculine (emphasizing one over the other). Who should we show externally to the world to succeed? To succeed as writers? As financial bread winners? As parents? As entrepreneurs?

I think of this often when it comes to relationships. I keep my feminine side protected and hidden but it seeks to express itself the most (not the strong masculine side, which usually overshadows). In the right relationship, my masculine side can be used for analyzing bills and exerting muscles in Ashtanga yoga, but that's it!

when ashtanga yoga is my laboratory

I work this out in yoga, of course. My masculine side starts out by getting me there. It's my mind chatter, which I say (and I love men) because its softness is not showing. It's the Doing / Yang side. It keeps me strong! Some mornings if it's still dark when I get to class, I am emotional to start out and on these days I'd say my feminine starts out. On these days the tears on my face take over (but no one can see). It feels good—cleansing—but I'm also physically less strong. I didn't say weak. The feminine is strength beyond...

crying is strength

It takes a lot of strength to bring out the feminine. I feel that I need to first have the security of the masculine within me (which can happen easier if I am near a man who I—like a sponge—become). Once it's safe, my insides can shine. When I am my feminine (myself) I am fluid and open, not rigid and unfeeling.

There's a fine balance between the two. I seek a balance in yoga and in life between achievement and receptivity. In the end (by savasana) I want to be receptive—and keep that in my consciousness. To get there, I need to achieve and be proud of myself (masculine), allowing my vulnerable heart (feminine) to come out of hiding.

be receptive, be real

It's easier to do in writing. And now for yoga...

Post yoga: I had a pretty amazing practice, honing in on the masculine/feminine idea I wrote above, or maybe just good timing. It's close to the full moon where I usually *seriously* have more yoga energy, or rather more energy to burn away in order to come to balance so I intuitively work harder.

balance it out

It's all about balance. Everything is. This masculine/feminine, yin/yang, energetic/subdued, fiery/watery, spicy food/cooling food, extroverted/introverted, etc. I try to live my days by giving myself what I need to keep the balance.

I haven't always been this way. I used to pursue the ups and downs, like it was a fun roller coaster ride (or a challenge that I wanted to test myself on). It's better for me now to be proactive toward the imbalance when it starts to go in either direction. I feel best that way. This means that I have to be fairly on top of taking care of myself and speaking up when I need something, leaving the room, or explaining temporary breaks I need to take away from people.

Or I just vanish without a sound—my favorite.